“I can do it by myself!” “I don’t need help!” “Let me do it!” “I’m big enough!”
These are common protests from children who have the desire to develop independence, are confident in their abilities and are interested in learning a new skill.
Sure, it may be much quicker for the adult to dress the child themself, cleaner to spoon-feed them, even more convenient to jump in and open the snack bag for the child to avoid struggle. However, those could also be missed opportunities for building independence, meeting developmental milestones and gaining self-esteem. In today’s Tiny Topics column, we will discuss the importance of children developing independent skills and the adult’s role in guiding them.
The average 2-year-old is already an expert researcher, having spent much of their time exploring and experimenting within their environment. But now, with more brain maturation and motor skills, they can take a more proactive approach in their curiosity and learning.
This push for independence sometimes comes with very specific preferences, such as the green bowl they love so much, and loud opinions about hating the chicken they ate for dinner just two nights ago. It is generally a positive development, however.
Developing independence can improve self-competence and problem-solving abilities, foster responsibility and encourage decision-making skills. Promoting independent skills can also help children become self-sufficient, confident and resilient, in addition to helping them develop critical-thinking skills.
There are many ways adults can encourage independence in young children.
When it comes to developing independence, the role of adults in young children’s lives is to support and guide with a “less is more” approach. Consider giving children space and time to work through a challenge while allowing them to struggle a bit without intervening.
Maybe permit a young child to practice opening their lunch box or water bottle while at home. Plan some extra time in the morning routine for littles to work on dressing themselves and putting their shoes on. Create practical areas in the home that allow children to do tasks easily, such as safe stools in the bathroom or kitchen.
Adults can also help children develop independence by letting them make mistakes and avoiding over-correction. Mistakes and struggles are a large part of the learning process, in which trial-and-error occurs, different perspectives are experienced and independence is gained.
Adults may also support children in their pursuit of independence by reassuring them that they may struggle and make mistakes often and that they can overcome such obstacles. For example, “That looks tricky. You can do tricky things,” or: “I see you working so hard on that. I’m here to help if you need me.”
When a mistake occurs, the adult could avoid over-correcting with encouragement, such as: “It looks like your shoes are on the wrong feet. Let’s try again!” or, “That does not seem quite right. Let’s take a look. I bet we can fix it!”
It can be frustrating, time-consuming and inconvenient at times when young children begin to assert their need for independence. It can even be – dare I say it – a touch bittersweet watching a little baby grow into a freethinking child.
Just remember: A sense of independence can be a gift for a child as they eventually bloom into a happy adult.